


Discussion

by Colaris



Category: Batman: Arkham - All Media Types
Genre: Funny, Multi, Not Serious, Theory of stupidity, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:49:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29379489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colaris/pseuds/Colaris
Summary: Some of the Gotham rogues are monthly meeting in a small bar and having some very intense talks about everything and nothing.
Relationships: Jonathan Crane/Edward Nygma, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Discussion

Jonathan stared lost in his half-full whiskey glass, poured the remaining alcohol down his dry throat after a brief swirl. It was the third Friday evening of the month. This meant an almost 'secret' meeting of some villains, who gathered together near the Iceberg Lounge in a rather poorly frequented bar and wildly discussed future evil plans. The Master of Fear smiled a little, felt the slight sting deep in his throat. These gatherings were now the real highlights of a busy week, especially when the well selected company could talk or argue with one another undisturbed. The one and only Edward Nygma, Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley, Jervis Tetch and Harvey Dent in particular were part of the small group beside Jonathan. Every now and then Victor Fries also honoured the talkative group, but the serene cryologist was stupidly stuck in Arkham again for more than two months. In fact, given their questionable positions in Gotham, that wasn't really surprising for anyone. Someone was always wanted by the police and was either in a psychiatric ward or in the normal prison in Black Gate. So for better or worse they had to do their little talk without Mr. Freeze today. Before Jonathan could worry about his now good friend in Arkham, Edward thundered his glass on the rancid table without a warning. The Riddler wiped his mouth and mumbled in a voice that had grown rough from the high amount of alcohol: "And you really think that you will succeed with this - let's call it careful - 'plan' to finally overthrow Batman, Harvey? No offence, but the idea is so absurd and ridiculous that I don't even want to think about helping you with it. That would be a waste of my precious resources and especially time. Many of you probably don't care what Gotham thinks of you, but I have a good reputation to lose!” This outburst was followed by an amused giggle from the botanist. The redhead stirred the alcohol-free cocktail with a wooden stick and replied almost cynically: “What reputation do you mean, Eddy? Maybe with your beloved delivery service? We all know that you order three pizzas a day and that you insist to get the third delivery of food for free because you are such a loyal customer. I would almost laugh if it wasn't so sad. You are so close to be absolutely pathetic."

The addressee snorted angrily and cracked his fingers threateningly. Ivy had hit an open nerve in the quick-tempered nerd again. Before he could answer, however, Jervis came before him, who replied quietly: “Please don't listen to Mr. Nygma. He loves to talk about things that he doesn't really understand. I think your idea is brilliant, Mr. Dent, and it is absolutely realistic to implement. If I can help you in any way, I will be happy to offer you my humble services. For a reasonable fee, of course.” Two-Face smiled crookedly, the burned half of his face didn't react properly at that moment, as usual. The former attorney poured himself another whiskey into his glass and smelled the alcohol. He sipped the drink, then played with his silver coin in his hand. Harvey mumbled softly: “We'll find something you can help me out with, Jervis. And you don't have to worry about the right payment. One hand washes the other after all. I will keep my promise.” The next moment his face twisted into a horrible grimace. His second personality hissed angrily: “And for you, Nygma, we still have a cosy, warm place left in the crematorium. You slimy piece of gay shit!” “Well well!”, the clearly drunk harlequin suddenly rebuked her friend with an exaggerated smile,“we are a decent community here and we shouldn't mess with each other with dirty words. You two obviously disagree, and that's fine too. No reason to argue now. Besides, we don't discriminate against minorities, Harv." The Riddler crossed his arms in anger over his chest, chewing on his lower lip visibly ill-tuned. Contrary to his wish to finally make room for his anger, the tinkerer remained silent on the harsh insults. This was probably due to the simple fact that the former lawyer always appeared heavily armed to the meetings and could do without a bullet or two from the revolver in order to do his own kind of persuasion. Scarecrow sighed cautiously and spoke calmly: "I don't understand any more why we have to discuss Edward's sexual orientation almost every time we meet." The Riddler growled throatily and spat back to the former psychiatrist louder than planned: "Oh and right now we don't have to talk about yours or what? For your small information, John: we've been a goddamn couple for eight months! Besides, I can already guess what to expect in the bedroom tonight if you keep drinking like this. Fuck, you are really unbearable when you have reached a certain alcohol level. Irresponsible drunk bastard. "

Harvey suddenly smirked. Apparently this time both sides had decided unanimously that the nerd's exaggerated reaction contributed to the general amusement of society. Pamela rolled her eyes and replied dryly: "At least he doesn't start crying like you do with the second glass of whiskey, Eddy." The addressee opened his mouth to say something, but he seemed to have no words. It was all the more fitting that the frightened bartender put a new bottle of whiskey on the table. Harley was now lying with his head on her forearms, muttering unintelligible words. The alcohol had done its work for the lively woman. For a moment silence fell between the villains until the Mad Hatter asked softly: "We are still no closer to the initial question, ladies and gentlemen." The Master of Fear wrinkled his nose. Like every week, they puzzled over the true identity of the Dark Knight. The wildest ideas had already emerged, especially when enough hard liquor had flowed. Last month, Harley had actually tried to suspect Selina Kyle and was not dissuaded all evening before her suggestion. Pamela's justified objections were also successfully ignored by the young woman. Catwoman could simply hide her ample breasts under her armour and speak in a deeper voice. The fact that the two heroes were often seen together did not seem to have been a counter-argument for her stupid theory. Jonathan burped cautiously and stared tipsy at the coaster on the table. Tonight the usual suspects had all been discussed at length. As always, Bruce Wayne was a must. Nevertheless, another person seemed to want to push himself into the centre that night, who was always pushed aside so far. As if to confirm another ludicrous idea, the inventor grumbled sceptically: “That won't do anything in this group anyway, Jervis. Half of those present are no longer entirely in their consolation when we seriously talk about whether the ugly clown face could be the Bat. How the hell do you come up with such a mental shitstorm?" The former lawyer groaned loudly at this statement and replied in a scratchy voice: "Can you actually do anything other than just complain, Nygma? You're really getting on our nerves, smart ass." Edward breathed jerkily. He appeared to be about to explode.

To everyone surprise, Harley suddenly lifted her head and slurred confidently: “Puddin is definitely not Batsy. Never! In! The! Fucking! Life! I swear on everything I love and like!” That was probably all that the blonde-haired woman could contribute to the conversation. As confirmation, her head jerked back onto her forearms. Pamela put an arm gently around her drunken girlfriend and hesitantly added: “If anyone knows anything about the Clown, it must be this crazy woman here. I think we can remove Joker from the list of suspects with a clear conscience. For good this time.” The Mad Hatter straightened his top hat a little and took a sip of the bitter black tea. An unproductive silence fell between those present. As usual, this was broken by Edward again: “Well, we're back to the beginning, aren't we? We're going round and round successfully, gentlemen.” That night, too, they probably wouldn't get a step closer to the riddle called Batman. Some things probably never changed.


End file.
